Tuesday, October 31, 2006

I had a dream Sunday night. I was in some secluded closed down ski resort. I had no idea why i was there or how to get out. There was nobody else there, except this one older guy w/ silver hair who walked by without even acknowledging me. It only took me a minute to realize it was Dominick Dunne. I mustered up all the courage I had to go up to him and say something. When I got to where he was, before I could even say anything, he said "No. Please don't. I know why you're hear and I just don't want to talk about it. I came here to be alone." I felt horrible, but I just couldn't let my encounter end like that. So I delivered a heartfelt speech to him....the speech that I had always wanted to give him, had I ever gotten the chance to meet him. Afterwards, he looked at me, with the saddest and most defeated look I'd ever seen and he said "Okay. Let's talk." As we talked (i dont' remember all the details), he broke down and said it was just too hard to talk about it, so he had been keeping it inside completely for the last few years. He said he was ready to go see her again. It was so strange, it really seemed as though he had given up and my heart was breaking for him. Then, after an hour or so of talking, he finally smiled and said he was feeling much better. I had found out a lot of new info about Dom (but of course in my dream, i didn't remember the specifics). Then all of a sudden, my husband showed up to take me home and before we parted ways, I asked if it was all right if I shared the info he'd given me w/ Dominique's other fans. He gave me his blessing. And that was it. My dream about Dominick. I didn't even realize why i had dreamt about this last night, then I realized what Monday was and it just made sense. I woke up crying. It absolutely broke my heart.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Monday, October 30th, it will be exactly 24 years since that tragic night in 1982. The events that took place on 8723 Rangely Avenue seem to constantly replay in my mind, even though I wasn't there when it happened. If I had been there, I would have stopped it. Dammit. I hate this time of year. Granted, it's a time of reflection,which may be healthy, but it really depresses me, because I can't help but reflect upon it. October 30th and November 4th are the saddest days in the year for me. I will be at the cemetery on the 30th, as well as the 4th, just like I have been for the last 5 years. I always wait to see if someone she knew comes by to visit her, but I'm always disappointed. It saddens me to think her friends my have forgotten her. I'm sure that's not the case. I'm sure they mourn her in their own way.
I go every 30th, because she should never be alone on that day, like she was 24 years ago. Granted, Packer was there, but he didn't do shit to help her from that monster. I know it's not Packer's fault, but how could he just sit there and not do anything as his friend and co-star was outside being murdered. If i continue talking about this, i'm gonna get upset. I better quit while i'm ahead. I'll write more about these events later on.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

I'm getting really frustrated. People tell me they're gonna show up to my gigs, but then never show up. If you can't go, then just tell me you can't go. It won't break my heart. I just don't like to be lied to. My last gig was awesome. It was at a great venue and my set went so well, that some girl I didn't even know bought me a beer. There were a lot of people, but unfortunately, I only actually knew TWO of them. But everyone else seemed to really enjoyed it. I even sold a couple cd's. I just have to keep telling myself that everyone experiences small crowds. I remember jenny lewis saying that she had a crowd of 5 one time in DC.
I have a gig coming up on the 2nd in Silver Lake. Hopefully I can bring in more people, otherwise it's just gonna get embarassing. Maybe I suck. Maybe I'm just kidding myself. If that's the case, then honesty would definitely be the way for people to go.
I'm getting sick. Trying not to lost my voice. I hate when that happens. I need a beer.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Lucky bastards in Orlando. Seriously lucky bastards. I think I have a problem. Admitting it is the first step.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Lucky bastards in Nashville! Lucky, lucky bastards. That's all I've got to say.

Monday, October 16, 2006

So I spent 4 wonderful days in New York City. Josh and I took a red-eye out Wednesday night and landed in Newark at around 6:30 am Thursday morning. We stayed at the Howard Johnson's in North Bergen, NJ. Oh yeah, we like to live large. We were dead tired when we got there and had to walk up this Hill of Death every time we needed to get to our room. So, anyway, we took a short nap, got freshened up and headed out to the city. I had been there once before, but this was Josh's first visit. Day one, we hit times square and central park. Then we went to see "Spamalot" which was so freaking funny! If you're in New York, u must see it.
I guess thursday was a Jewish holiday and all these Jewish guys were coming up to Josh asking him if he was Jewish. It must have happened every 5 minutes. He doesn't know why everyone thinks he's Jewish and I can't figure it out either. Ah well. It was quite comical. At one point, it was getting annoying and when another guy ask Josh if he was Jewish, I was like, "Um, What about me? Why aren't you asking me that question?" The guy didn't say anything. He just walked away. But I really wanted to know why they were asking him and not me.

And that night, I actually got to meet Jenny Lewis again. I was pretty excited. It was so cool. It's kind of a long story, but SHE basically came up to ME and was like, "hey! I remember you." and she thanked me for the letter i gave her and said it was really encouraging. And i was like "yeah, sorry i acted like such a nerd." And she said, "oh please, you were the farthest thing from a nerd. Don't even think that." And we talked for a while in this bar near the venue she was playing at. (they had my two favorite beers there! and i was way drunk by the end of the night due to lack of sleep and food) It's my new favorite bar. She had just come from performing at her thursday night show and she signed my ticket for the Friday show I was seeing. This whole experience made the trip totally worth it.

The next day we went to soho, little italy, empire state building and we went ice skating at rockafeller center, which is something i always wanted to do. Then we went to Jenny's concert. It was soooo so amazing. I was blown away.
Then josh and i went drinking at the bar again.
The next day, we met up w/my dear friends trisha and mckenna, who allowed me to act silly w/ them. We bought silly hats at the 42nd street farmeers market and were complimented many times on the hats. And we turned simple subway trips into episodes of fame where we would randomly bust out in song...and occasionally dance. We went to wall street, ground zero, and the metripolitan museum of art. Then we just crashed at the hotel room. The next day, we flew back home. It was an awesome trip. So much fun!

Friday, October 06, 2006

Okay, so I know it's only October, but I just can't help it. I'm getting in the mood again. Christmas is only 80 days away! Yes, I know 80 days seems like a long time, but really it's less than 3 months! The time will fly by, for sure. So I start getting the bug in August...a craving to listen to Christmas music, watch Christmas movies, etc. But I really don't let myself get all into it until the day after Halloween. That's when the season officially begins for me, but for some reason, I just wanna start celebrating early this year. This one store in the mall already has this huge christmas display up and I find myself going there for maybe just 20 minutes just to look at it. And then i leave w/out visiting any other store. Yes, I'm obsessed. Yes, I'm lame. Whatev.
I just bought 3 new Christmas movies to add to my ever-growing collection of holiday splendor.

So I guess I'll just go ahead and name all the christmas movies I own so when Josh and I have our annual "Christmas movie marathon", I'll be able to plan out the day. We try to watch them all in one day, except for two: the two we watch when we decorate the apartment. So, from memory, here's what i got:

It's a Wonderful Life
White Christmas
The Santa Claus
Love, Actually
Little Women
Home Alone
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

I really need Scrooged and A Muppet Christmas Carol
I can barely stand it. 80 days. Bring it on.

So, New York in 6 days. I'm counting it down. I love LA and all, but i can't wait to just get to another city. Though, it seems I'm trading fake people for rude people. Oh well. Sometimes I imagine just picking up and moving somewhere completely random. I know Josh would go w/ me. But i'm think I'd go crazy missing LA. I'd feel claustophobic if i wasn't near the ocean. And I really don't believe I could make it as an east coaster.
I have an audition for a commercial agent today. It's about fucking time. After 10 years of this shit, I finally get a shot at an agent. That's why this business sucks. A lot of it is just "wait and see." I better kick ass.